The Quitter’s Club

I was chatting with my friend Lucy (not her real name) in late 2019 catching up at Urban Teahouse. We were cycling through the usual, "How's life? How is your kid/pet/family? How are your community organizations? How are you?"

The conversation evolved into us realizing we were both really overwhelmed. We are both very active in the community and leaders in our work and our respective fields and we were just. so. tired. 

And we kept chatting. And sipping tea. And the playlist was poppin’ (I found out it was Sylvan Esso Radio on Pandora). Within an hour we created something transformative: Quitters Club. 

Lucy and I knew it was time to relinquish our leadership roles at different volunteer organizations. We knew we were doing too much. But it was so hard to say no! We were needed, we were valuable, we were important! 

As we progressed in the months after the relinquishment of leadership roles, we began to notice some curious side effects. I won't speak for her, but I began to feel very uncomfortable with the amount of space in my schedule and my brain. It was difficult to not fill that discomfort with something else. Suddenly new leadership opportunities sprang into my view. New volunteer openings were following me around. There were more events to attend. And it became very difficult to stick to my commitment of Quitter's Club.

We continued to meet in the weeks and months following to keep each other accountable for our decision and commitment to the Quitters Club. 

We formed this "club" because we knew we needed to step down from our respective roles - it was time to let someone else take the lead. But also, we needed space. It wasn't the organizations or the causes we served that were the problem. I was addicted to filling all my moments with things that mattered. And who was I without all the action? How would I find validation when I turned in my busy badge? 

It was really difficult to slow down. Like, REALLY difficult. Like putting-a-toddler-to-bed-when-they-want-to-play difficult. Like getting-that-goo-and-sticker-off-the-beautiful-vase-you-just-bought difficult. Like trying-to-keep-my-cat-off-the-kitchen-counter difficult.

But slowly, I began to find my brain swirling. SWIRLING I TELL YOU.

I gradually began to notice that I was enjoying all this new time! I was able to think more deeply about problems at work, about the business I wanted to start, about the podcast that had been on hiatus. It was as if someone unlocked the long-abandoned mind palace and turned the keys over to me. My brain and my creativity came alive. And not because I was "doing" anything new. But because I wasn't doing so MANY things. I felt more rested and mentally alert because I had capacity to solve problems and create solutions. I started therapy - because I finally had the capacity and margin and space to do the work of therapy. 

And then - quarantine. We didn’t know 2020 would be Quitters Club worldwide! CONGRATS TO ALL OUR NEW MEMBERS! We couldn't have anticipated this. But this was like Quitter's Club PRO EDITION. Everything screeched to a halt within a week. 

In so many ways this has been challenging, difficult, gross, weird, and the opposite of a good time. But in many ways, this has been amazing. Personally, I thought I'd done a good job of slowing down B.C. (Before COVID).

Now that I've had a taste of this slow as honey lifestyle I'm hooked. I'm realizing I need way more down time than I thought. I need time to just be. Be slow. Be still. Be at home. Be with my thoughts. Be with my inner self. Be healthy. Be on the yoga mat. Be in my bed before a ridiculous hour. Be in a good book. We are human beings after all, not human doings.

I'm learning and fighting for M A R G I N.

Our problem is not that we don't have time, it's that we don’t make the most of the time we have. We fill it with things that we aren't evaluating or thinking through. We rarely audit our personal time or consider how we are spending it.

You're probably underestimating the amount of down time you need. I KNOW I was. Oh God, it was a hard thing to see. I was grossly miscalculating my own needs. And if we are honest, the hardest thing to prioritize is ourselves.

We tell ourselves we will slow down when things calm down at work. When we don't have to network so much for that promotion or for that sale. We tell ourselves that we'll start that business we've been dreaming up when we get through this next busy season. We tell ourselves we'll start that hobby next summer. And then the next. 

We are liars. All of us. To ourselves. And oh boy, if someone else lied to you the way you lie to you…wow. 

Here's the big secret I've been dying to tell you:

You have to make margin. 

If you're trying to find it, good luck. 

In my opinion, the gift of time isn't found. It's not accidental or occasional. It is made. It's crafted with care and concern. It's protected at all costs.

I know, I know. That implies work. That means saying no to something fun or easy. It means changing your habits. It means sacrifice. GROSS.

But think about it like this:

When was the last time you FOUND $100? If you're like me, that has never happened. It has to be earned. It has to be made. You've probably made $100 many times in your life. You can MAKE $100 by saying no to something you want and putting it toward something you need. The same is true with your time and your schedule.
  

And how do you treat the $100 found versus the $100 made? Finding money for me is like WHAT CAN I BUY OR EAT. But when I sacrifice to make money? When I earn it? That money doesn't get blown. It gets invested. And when you make or invest money you have some skin in the game. The value goes WAY up. 

Your time works the same way. We are all waiting to just FIND an extra hour or three in the day. But time doesn't work that way. Usually IF a miracle happens and we DO find a magic hour we waste it or spend it just like we would that found money.

Making margin and making time requires a plan, a sacrifice, and a commitment. I started a yoga practice this year. And I’m not going to apologize for relentlessly talking about it in every episode. Yoga is making space in the body. You don't find space in your body, you make it. With practice. By showing up and doing the work. When it hurts. When it's hard. When you don't want to. 

Here I am months after the origin of Quitter’s Club. I'm back at the 9-5 grind. And to be honest, I had a bit of anxiety before heading back. Not because of my work, but because I desperately do not want to go back to the way I used to live. By making margin in my schedule, I've set my mind and my body and my creativity free. I refuse to cage it up again by trying to prove my value and worth with a participation trophy.

So, this is a limited time offer. You are invited to join the Quitter's Club! As we are slowly easing back into society, the temptation will be there to ramp up your schedule and carry your busy badge with you. But today, you can make the commitment to stop the madness and make yourself a priority. Who will you ask to be your partner in Quitter's Club? What will you sacrifice for your margin?